Have you ever had a great idea only to find that as you try to take it forward you run out of steam or give up?
Chances are you may be in the grip of self-doubt. Often we are so familiar with self-doubt dictating what we do or don’t do that we’re unaware how much it stops us from expressing who we really want to be.
Here’s a couple of examples;
You have an idea that you’d like to write a book, you enjoyed writing at school and although this may have been some time ago you enroll on a creative writing course. On the course you feel really inspired and enjoy exploring different styles and generally getting back into writing as form of creative expression. During that time you’re encouraged to read your work out loud and whilst this brings up a lot of anxiety you receive some good feedback along with some constructive criticism. After the course you have some great ideas but you find yourself doing nothing further. Although you think about your initial idea of writing a book you also have thoughts like, “I’m not that good”, “others are better than me”, “who am I to write a book?” etc. These thoughts now overpower the original thought and they win the day.
Or .. you want to find a new job. You think you’d like to work for yourself and you have a few ideas but you are filled with anxiety every time you think about retraining or the possibility of not having a steady income. The thoughts that arise may include; “it will take too long”,”I will run out of money”, “I may fail” etc. Again, these limiting thoughts win the day.
The examples could go on to include; finding a new relationship, speaking out, moving home, following a passion, changing your mind, making decisions and the list goes on…
Of course, the argument in favor of self-doubt says that if I don’t have doubt I’ll be out of control, I’ll become arrogant or make bad decisions etc. This is where distinguishing the difference between self-doubt and self-regulation is very useful.
Self-regulation is the natural internal process that assesses our capacities, resources, talents and abilities. It is a concrete rational understanding that if, for example, I’m 95 years old, with all the will in the world, I’m unlikely to win a gold medal in gymnastics. However it might help me become a little more active. Similarly, if I want to become a tree surgeon and I’m currently working in the banking industry self-regulation is going to help me fathom what needs to happen in order to get me to where I’d like to be.
Self-doubt, on the other hand is the internal critic. This critic acts out of fear and simply wants to keep us safe and secure. In listening to this and believing what we hear we keep ourselves stuck and our lives limited to what is familiar and away from uncertainty.
Getting into relationship with the dialogues that go on inside ourselves and embracing those moments of inspiration where we have a desire to move towards an expression of our soul nature can provide us with a map of how our live could be.
Moving beyond self-doubt and critical limitations can open up our lives in ways that, up until now, have only been a distant dream. Suddenly we become the writer we’ve always wanted to be or the tree surgeon or anything that truly makes our hearts sing.
Self-doubt can become a friend that can point us towards our wounds, our fears and what needs to heal. From there we can negotiate our doubts in order to live the lives we really want and align with our true-selves.