A Tale for Dark Days: “everything will be alright”

One day, many years ago when I worked as a freelance designer, I found myself in a familiar place of having no work and as a result worrying about the future. That week a number of creative projects had fallen through and there didn’t seem to be much work on the horizon. As the weeks ticked by and money was quickly running out I was getting increasingly anxious. 

Being freelance, I’d been through this situation many times before. So you’d think, by now, I’d be familiar enough with the scene and therefore more relaxed about it, right? Alas not, and despite many years of psychological exploration and meditation practice I would find myself back in this same place of dread and worry. It repeatedly felt as if all the tools, techniques and wisdom I’d learned over the years just flew out the window and were forgotten. Each time I’d turn my life into one huge internal drama with fantasies about never working again, running out of money and losing everything including my mental health. It was an unreal horror story but felt as if I just couldn’t help but torture myself in this way.

However, on this particular day I’m describing, something drove me to sit down and attempt to meditate. All morning I’d been fretting about not being able to cope and as a result the stress upon stress had been rapidly escalating. But even as I sat down and closed my eyes they would fly open again, my mind racing and I’d be on the verge of getting up and ploughing on with frantic emails in a desperate bid to drum up some work. 

After this happening a couple of times I suddenly heard a voice inside myself say, “BE STILL”. It was so powerful and distinct that I immediately complied and a sudden calmness descended through which I was able to quieten my mind for the next hour or so. During that time, as I sat on the floor with eyes calmly closed, I heard the mail being believed but felt no pressing urge to retrieve it.

Eventually I got to my feet, now feeling settled and clear, and collected the post, which included a small brown envelope with my address in a handwritten scrawl. Inside was a plain white postcard with nothing on it. However, on closer inspection I noticed, embossed within the centre of the card, the words “everything will be alright”. There was no other information and no return address. I was astounded and the card, along with the internal instruction, stayed with me for days and facilitated in me a deep steadiness. 
Within a week or two I had more design work and, as per usual, the stress of the previous weeks had vanished. 

It later transpired that a close friend of mine, who was also a freelance designer, had been doing a print making workshop the weekend before my stressful episode and, having made several embossed cards like this, she sent them out to a number of friends.

Irrespective of the reasons, I felt as if the universe had, internally and through the actions of my friend, reached out to me. It was as if it had put its hand on my shoulder to calm me down. Synchronistically it was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. I am, by nature, very curious and open-minded about the mysteries of the world and how we influence our lived experience, consciously or unconsciously. Had I not I may have discarded the experience as mere fluke. 

So is there an explanation for this coincidence? The truth is I don’t know and, for me, it doesn’t really matter. What’s most important is that, firstly, I paid attention and secondly, that it really helped to ease my fears. To say I know and can rationalise what happened removes the magic and awe of the experience 

Since that day I’ve remained self-employed and whilst, in the meantime, I’ve changed career I’ve still found myself in that space between work and projects. Sometimes similar fears and agitations have come up but never as acute. During those moments I’ve kept my eyes and ears open for similar signs, but non have materialised. It’s as if that previous experience, as marked as it was, etched itself into my life. I’m taken back to that memory every time panic and stress threatens to overwhelm me and when life suddenly seems uncertain.

The collection of words that form “everything will be alright” is potentially the most powerfully reassuring sentence we can hear when spoken by someone we trust during times of fear or sadness. So for me, It’s interesting to consider that those same loving and supportive words may also be available to me at all times and in unexpected forms. I don’t need to buy into any defined mysticism or beliefs it’s just a simple case being open to it and then if I choose to pay attention.

As to whether I’m able to believe and fully trust in it – now that’s quite another story.

For other articles, posts and ways in which to support yourself during difficult time check out –psychotherapy4london.co.uk

The Fear of Fear: 3 tips on how to calm the dread

When thinking about an upcoming situation or event many say that what scares them most is the anticipation of fear more than the fear itself.


So what’s the difference? Essentially one is a fantasy about something that is in the future and yet to happen whilst the other is a sensory reaction to something that is happening here and now. Both, one could argue, are as a result of negative mental content about the self – “I can’t cope”, “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t handle failure or rejection”. Whether it’s a fantasy about the future or a difficulty happening right now the same stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline, are released into the body as the mind signals danger and prepares the body for fight or flight. Being on full alert like this can lead to sleepless nights, panic attacks and general exhaustion.

The anticipation of future fear engenders feelings that can best be described as ‘dread’. Here, it’s the fantasy of the awful feelings that accompany the situation that crowd into ones mind. One feels powerless to stop them. This might include projecting into the future and imagining the worst case scenarios or replaying past situations over and over and from different perspectives as if to figure them out. The problem is that the past and the future don’t actually exist, other than in the mind, memory and imagination. So all that happens is that we get lost in an illusion but with all the real feelings of fear.

With all this mental time travelling the mind is stretched between two imaginary worlds, which drains our mental and physical energy and is a sure recipe for stress and worry.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be like this.

Here a few quick ideas for when the fantasy of fear strikes;

1. Unplug from the future and the past. Bring yourself into the present moment. The here and now is the only true place and time that actually exists and the only reality that really needs your full attention. Therefore the first thing to do is just notice – “Ah yes my mind is now in the future or the past”. Next, come back to the present by focusing on your breathing, your body sensations or something in front of you within the physical environment. This might simply be the ground under your feet or an external three-dimensional object. Then see how long you can remain present with this before your mind takes you off again, which it will. This is the nature of mind and so you’ve got an ongoing fight on your hands, as we all have. It’s a life-long practice. Learning the art of meditation is a great way to train yourself in how to tame the mind. If all fails app games on your smartphone are a good way of distracting your mind for some time during intense periods of stress.

2. Welcome the fear. For many people this is a bit of a stretch and you might yell, “What??!!! No way, I want it gone!!” This is understandable, but given that fear and anxiety does happen and is an unavoidable human condition you might like to entertain the notion of accepting the reality and working with it. Here, you can put worrying about the future on hold and just wait for it to happen. This does not mean discontinuing to work on what is causing the fear and acquiring tools to further support yourself. It means that you learn to expect fear and then attempt to live alongside it. As such, you’ll realise that it is possible to coexist alongside fear and that fear and non-fear can happen simultaneously. An example of this might be a presentation at work – your heart might be pounding, you might be shaking and sweating, you may be going red, your voice and breathing might be restricted. Whilst this is happening your ego will be labelling these experiences as ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’. Your ego’s nature is to seek and cling onto perfectionism, certainty and safety. Meanwhile, another part of you is getting on with delivering the presentation. This is fear and non-fear coexisting. By giving space to your fear in this way you ‘let it be’ and as result you may have space in which to generate some compassion and kindness for that scared part of ourselves, which is like a frightened child. How would you speak to a frightened child?

3. Step out of thinking. This is what meditation masters over thousands of years have strove to achieve. As such it’s much easier said than done. However, there is great power and simplicity in understanding that you don’t actually HAVE to think all the time. At our current stage in human evolution we have all conditioned ourselves to be driven by our thoughts. The truth is that thinking is a wonderful gift that helps us solve problems and create the world around us. Conversely, the curse of thinking is that we often create problems within our selves. The philosopher Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am”, which perfectly encapsulates how we currently and firmly identify with our thoughts – THINKING IS US. However, if we turn that around, “I am, therefore I think”, thinking becomes a part of our human experience rather than the totality of it. Thinking is just one of our six-sense faculties, which we have learned to over use and over identify with. So when you’re next lost in your fantasies (thoughts) about the future it’s helpful to know that, firstly, this is just your thinking faculty that is running the show. Secondly, you don’t HAVE to think. You can step out of the flow of thinking, as if it’s a fast flowing river, onto the river bank and rather than be swept away by it watch it flow past. Most of the time you feel you have no choice in whether to think or not. Generally we all have very busy minds. However, taming your minds is no easy task and takes time, perseverance and patience but is absolutely achievable. The important thing to become aware of is that you are in charge, not your thoughts. Thoughts are your workforce whilst you are the CEO.

I hope these quick ideas will be helpful whenever you next find yourself feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of the future. For further information about how to further deal with fear and anxiety please check out my other website –

www.psychotherapy4london.co.uk

Couples Therapy / Relationship Counselling in Central London

How I work

My Counselling studio is based right in the centre of London, in two locations – Bloomsbury, close to Covent Garden and Shoreditch, within the heart of the city. This makes it easy to reach for most people living and working in and around the city.

The first session is for us to get to know each other and check that I’m the right therapist to suit your needs. It’s important that you both feel comfortable working with me.

In my work with couples I have a coaching approach, which is very different to how I would work with individuals. I see my job as coaching couples into new ways of communicating and expressing themselves that serves both sides equally. No one teaches us how to be in a relationship. We learn most from our parents or carers who may also have struggled. Therefore, couples therapy is partly and educational process in which you can learn new ways in which to relate to one another.

Whilst there are important elements to our work that involves each individual, the focus of our work together is the relationship itself. This, I describe as the invisible space that exists between you, co-created by the two of you and unique to your relationship and I aim to help you understand this space better.

At the heart of my work is addressing a – ‘loss of connection’. Whether this is with each other or with yourself, my work is often about finding ways to reconnect. Part of this is the importance of ‘mirroring’. This simple tool, which I apply in many different ways, facilitates clear expression of thoughts and feelings and, most importantly, active listening. ‘Listening’ and ‘being heard’ are two vital components in getting back into connection and creating a safer relationship space.

All individuals within a couple are encouraged to get a physical journal for the purposes of therapy. This is so that you can write down the various ideas and techniques I’ll be giving you to practice in between sessions. It is also used to write down the content of the sessions afterwards so that you have a record of our work together. It’s also useful to record things like dreams and ideas or incidents that occur between sessions.

I work with both gay and heterosexual couples and I do believe that our relationship, however challenging they may be at times, offer us an opportunity to understand ourselves better and to heal the disappointments of the past. We are all social creatures longing for better and more fulfilling connection and therapy can certainly help facilitate this.

Self-Doubt – Part 2

A Cultural Norm?

Before I began researching self-doubt I’d often heard it referred to as useful or important and that without it one might become arrogant. This often struck me as being at odds with the harsh, critical and self-limiting reality of self-doubt. If the opposite of self-doubt were arrogance no wonder it seemed to be such a widely accepted norm.

However, what if true self confidence has nothing to do with being an extrovert, demonstrative or even successful. What if it has everything to do with simply trusting oneself? As such the opposite of self-doubt is not arrogance or an inflated sense of confidence but actually trust and self belief.

When I trust in myself the world around me feels like a safer place to be, my faith in others is stronger and I’m more resilient to deal with life’s challenges. When I don’t have belief or faith in myself I’m faced with self-doubt wherever I go. The world is full of uncertainty and I feel both vulnerable and a victim to a world where others have all the power, success and happiness.

Internal querying of ourselves and the world is a natural and normal mechanism, which can also be regarded as our moral compass that assesses what the right thing to do or say is. Self-doubt is part of this mechanism but it turns the querying into criticism. Because of the important moral aspect it is no wonder we confuse critical self-doubt with being so important. However it is self-regulation that is important. Self-regulation is the internal assessment process that supports our journey through our lives.

In my next blog I outline the two aspects of self-doubt and self-regulation the purpose of which is to provide a simple tool for empowering ourselves and navigating beyond the self-limitation. I argue that self-regulation is the important device that assesses what is right for me as well as the world around me whilst self-doubt is a defensive position that keeps me limited and withdrawn from my life.

Understanding self-doubt as a cultural norm means we can step beyond it and make different choices. As such we can shift our attention away from unhelpful internal dialogues and towards that which helps us grow and live more fulfilling lives.

Self-Doubt – Part 1

‘My encounter’

Some time ago I decided to embark on a research MA in psychotherapy. Prior to commencing I had spent a couple of years researching my chosen topic. As a result I felt quite confident and prepared as I approached the initial stages of the programme. However, as I proceeded I was soon faced with familiar feelings of withdrawal that I recognised as self-doubt. Suddenly my chosen subject, my abilities and capacities were all brought into question. This habitual encounter with self-doubt, I realised, would often result in me abandoning similar endeavours. From here I became aware of numerous projects deserted and strewn throughout my past. I also now understood how my ongoing encounter with self-doubt continually directed me away from my true nature and, as such, authentic expressions of myself. The sort of internal dialogues around self-doubt that I found myself grappling with included – I’m not good enough – I can’t do this – I’m going to fail – I need to be perfect – there’s something wrong with me  – who do I think I am?- and so on. Self-doubt seemed only to serve to keep me small and as such my life limited. The question that now rose was – why?

As I next considered how to proceed, and with the prospect of two years of research ahead of me, I wondered why I hadn’t chosen self-doubt as my research topic as it was rich data that I had immediate access to. With that thought I was suddenly alive with inspiration and it was as if my new topic had chosen me and it now felt unavoidable. Until I turned to face self-doubt and made this my focus I knew I would continue to struggle with it as a limitation.

Therefore, my initial proposal was replaced by the topic of self-doubt. From now on any doubt or uncertainties would become part of the research and the heart of the investigation. Other areas of interest went on hold until I uncovered the nature of self-doubt and understood its origins. I decided to put myself at the centre of the research and used active imagination through which to explore the subject. This took the form of meditations, visualisations, journalling and dream analysis from which I designed a workshop where I would compare my findings with that of others who also encountered self-doubt as a limitation within their lives.

The question that took me into the research became – what is the nature of self-doubt and how can active imagination enable both understanding and transformation? As I progressed over the next two years it became clear that very little has been written on the subject despite many of us struggling with self-doubt. People around me as well as clients I worked with often construed it as being their greatest difficulty. Whenever I asked clients to rate their experiences of depression, anxiety, anger, fear etc, self-doubt was often the one they identified immediately and rated the most prominent. Like me, it seemed to stand in the way of whatever they wished to do, say or be.

The following series of blogs entitled Self-Doubt – Parts 1-5′ chart my experiences and findings from the two year research period. Please feel free to contribute your thoughts, opinions and experiences.

New Year’s Eve Anxiety : Endings and Beginnings

photoIt’s December 31st 2013 and tomorrow it’ll be 2014. Whilst one year ends the next one begins and this is a pivotal time for reflection, looking back and for contemplating the future. This time of year can also bring with it a great deal of anxiety – from the pressure of having to have fun and being part of a group as we see in the New Year in to dealing with the aftermath of Christmas and the dread of returning to studies or work.

Questions might arise such as; What am I doing with my life? Where are things going? What have I achieved? What should I be doing? These are all queries that put enormous pressure on us to do or be something other than we already are. Then, of course, when this time of year roles around again and we haven’t transformed our lives as we promised ourselves earlier in the year we focus on what we haven’t yet done rather that what we have done and so the cycle starts over again.

In our culture we have leaned to judge the end of things as often negative but, whilst endings can bring with them a natural degree of sadness and worry, we forget to allow room for the other side of the coin, namely beginnings. If we are mourning the loss of a loved one it is only natural that we allow ourselves time to grieve and mourn their absence. Other endings such as loosing a job or the end of a relationship can, similarly, take us into a place of despair and hopelessness. We dwell on the feelings of rejection or loneliness, which means our recovery takes longer or our confidence is knocked entirely.

Instead, we could to allow both truths to co-exist understanding that, whilst something ends something else begins. This is the law of change that exists throughout the entire universe. Incorporating this universal truth into our lives means allowing ourselves to fully experience whatever the end of something brings up for us. At the same time we can turn towards the other reality where a new beginning is already taking place. In doing this we don’t allow ourselves to deny our wounded feelings nor do we completely lose ourselves within our challenging emotions. Instead, we allow both to run side by side until we are ready to let go of the ending process and embrace the possibilities that the beginnings also offers us. In doing this we enable hope and optimism.

So whether you’re coming to the end of a project, a relationship, a job or simply contemplating the end of the year spend some time also allowing space for beginnings by asking yourself – what is beginning right now, who am I from this moment on? If you find your mind travelling into the future and dwelling in fear gently bring it back to the present moment.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

5 Christmas tips for Social Anxiety

For those with social anxiety this time of year can bring added levels of stress and worry. From the office parties to the family get-together, anxiety levels are usually very high.

Self-consciousness, shyness and embarrassment are the common experiences of social anxiety. It also brings with it feelings of shame and much of the added stress comes from concealing this from others in order to fit in.

One of the great fears for someone with social anxiety is being put in the spotlight. Therefore sitting around a table in a confined space can be the source of huge stress.  I remember dreading dinner parties and eventually avoided them at all cost.

Another challenging component to social anxiety is the after effect of a social occasion. As someone who has struggled with this type of anxiety in the past I recall how I would obsess about what was said, how I came across and then beat myself up for not being good enough. If it had been a dinner party I’d tell myself that I wasn’t interesting enough and, of course, expect never to be invited again.  These days I’m much more relaxed about situations like these and not so bothered about how I come cross. Over the years I’ve learned to be kind to myself, manage my fears better, to show interest in others and to know that I am welcome.

On the back of my personal experience and my work with clients who struggle with social anxiety here are my 5 tips for surviving the various Christmas events;

  1. Know that you are welcome. Keep telling yourself this even if you don’t believe it. Understand that you are wanted and accepted. It’s sometimes enough for you to just be there and be yourself as much as you can.
  2. Understand that others are also afraid. It always appears that other people are relaxed and confident. Some are but most aren’t. Most people want to be liked and are fearful of rejection.
  3. Know that whatever you feel is a choice. If you don’t feel like joining in – smilingly decline. Stay interested in what is happening around you and allow yourself to say no if you’re really not ready. Saying no doesn’t have to be unfriendly or negative.
  4. Fake it ’till you make it. This sound like a dreadful idea but can be very effective. Imagine yourself however you’d like to be then take on that role. It can allow you to step beyond your comfort zone and discover new ways of being.
  5. Show interest in others. This is a great way to engage with others and make a good impression. Unless they also have social anxiety many people love being given attention, to have that space and to talk about what interests them. If you repeat back what you’ve heard in order to clarify this is even better as there is nothing better than truly being heard and understood.

Overcoming social anxiety can take time but it is possible as I have experienced. The key ingredients for me were; getting interested and curious about my fears instead of running away or covering up, being kind to myself and understanding where these fears come from, allowing others to be confident and relaxed without comparing myself, knowing that I’m welcome, valued and finding ways to move beyond all the self-doubt to know there is nothing wrong with me even if I do feel anxious.

For more information on social anxiety and weekly groups running in London check out – http://www.sashgroup.org

Hyperhidrosis – ‘The body of water’

What is Hyperhidrosis?

Hyperhidrosis describes a condition when the sympathetic nervous system along with sweat glands throughout the body are over-active. As a result the hands, head, feet and sometimes entire body can sweat very easily and in some cases constantly.

Human beings sweat. When we’re hot, nervous or have been exercising it’s part of the body’s natural cooling system and when we’re stressed our bodies heat up as adrenalin pumps through our system preparing us for flight or fight mode. For most of the population this is something that just happens and whilst it may sometimes be unpleasant it passes and is soon forgotten.

Meanwhile for some, sweating is excessive and can be a constant and uncomfortable experience. At this level it is often diagnosed as hyperhidrosis. There are many products now on the market and whilst Botox has become quite widely used there are also a new generation of pharmaceuticals that apparently control how water in the body is released. Another more drastic action is a major operation known as a sympathectomy. This severs the nerves that are responsible for making the hands sweat and can be effective but may also have quite drastic and lasting side effects. These can include excessive sweating elsewhere throughout the body, eyelid drooping as well as going through the trauma of the operation and it simply not working. Whilst there is much more understanding about this condition compared to 20 years ago many people with hyperhidrosis are often desperate for a way out of their sweating experience and so may be at the mercy of some quite harmful interventions that could still be in their infancy and understanding around long-term use etc.

For those who sweat moderately it may be difficult to appreciate how difficult the experience of excessive sweating can be. For many individuals hyperhidrosis can be embarrassing and create a constant sense of self-consciousness resulting in anxiety, shame, depression and social withdrawal.

You may have a friend or family member who might have mentioned something about their sweating and perhaps you noticed what they were talking about but most of the time you probably wondered what all the fuss was about. However, for those who experience it there is often an ever present anxiety around – going into hot rooms, which clothes to wear, unease at being touched or having to shake someone’s hand etc. Hyperhidrosis can lead to social anxiety and isolation and because most people who suffer from it often feel misunderstood by those around them or feel they have to hide the condition it can be a very lonely experience.

There is much more awareness of hyperhidrosis today with support groups springing up as well more varied treatments available. Connecting to others with the condition is a good way to feel supported and understood. One such network group is http://www.hyperhidrosisuk.org run by a dedicated and hard working group of volunteers.

My story

Having experienced hyperhydrosis from a young age I later opted for a sympathectomy and underwent the trauma of this major operation. The good news is it worked but whilst my hands stopped sweating to the extent they used to the rest of my body went into overdrive. This is the side-effect I’ve learned to live with and through my re-training as a psychotherapist I’ve explored within myself what might have been the caused. I’ve concluded that there are no clear answers to this query but the exploration has lead me towards how the body deals with trauma as one possible explanation. Could it be that at some point in our early life something within the sympathetic nervous system was switched on through some impactfull experience and has not been switched off? This, though, may not explain hereditary influences. An example of this is a colleague of mine with hyperhidrosis who noticed that, after a couple of months of having a baby, her son’s hands were sweating suggesting he may have inherited it from her. The one thing I have come to learn is that at this point in time we just don’t know the definitive cause. For me, the attention has to be in the reality of the present moment and how I can maintain a constructive attitude to both my body and the condition.

How can counselling help?

Counselling can’t offer a way to stop the sweating but it can provide a space in which to discuss the shame, anxiety and stress that is experienced as a result. It can also help build a better relationship with our body where excessive sweating can lead to feeling disappointed with it and generally out of control. Counselling may also help us learn from our experience rather than remaining stuck in a cycle of avoidance and stress where we may feel at war with our bodies and as such with the condition.

Our bodies are approximately 70% water. With hyperhidrosis water leaks from the body through our skin. Our bodies can’t help it and learning to be kind to ourselves and our bodies regardless of the flaws is an important step towards coping with hyperhidrosis or any other uncomfortable condition for that matter.

Acceptance and tolerance is the key so that whatever decisions we make, whether its taking medication, having an operation or leaving the medical profession out of it. From a place of insight and love for ourselves we must make informed decisions and learn how to act with discomfort rather than react against it which only results in stress and anxiety. Mindfulness may be a helpful tool and I’ve found Jon Kabat Zinn’s book ‘Full catastrophe living’ very helpful.

Coming to the end ..

Today is the ‘End of time’ according to the ancient Mayans. Whilst their calender ends today after nearly five and a half thousand years there was nothing to suggest an apocalypse yet across the globe thousands of people are preparing for our imminent conclusion. There is much debate about why it ends so abruptly but endings tend to have that element of surprise and the unknown about them.

Even those who were completely unaware of the calender and its significance, are now drawn into it’s web due to our mass global media. On the internet there is talk of people in China frantically stocking up on candles lest the sun be extinguished. Meanwhile, a friend of mine is gathering with others on a hill in Glastonbury to mark the end of time and celebrate the winter equinox. She assures me that she will be thinking of me should the earth come to a grinding halt.

Within therapy we often work with endings. The end of relationships. The death of a loved one. Loss of health. The end of a job. Within the difficulties that all these situations present there is also the beginning of something, even if it’s the beginning of the grieving process.

At the end of a therapy session I tell my clients that we have a few minutes left before we need to pause. Whilst it’s an end in itself our work is often on-going so I prefer the term ‘pause’. Eventually our work comes to an end and I like to allow a good few weeks to tie up any loose ends and review what has happened as well as what needs to happen next. In doing this we honor our work together recognising that whilst there are endings there are also beginnings.

Why talking therapy?

When I first sat in front of a counsellor and attempted to discuss the difficulties I was facing I found the experience of opening my mouth and speaking to a complete stranger both strange and profound. The counsellor patiently listened as I tried to give voice to my inner struggles and during a brief pause I was shocked to hear the words I had uttered repeated back in a calm and coherent manner as the counsellor sought clarity with sentences such as, “What I’ve heard is …” “Do I understand correctly?” “It sounds like what you’re experiencing is ..”

It made me smile to have been listened to and hearing the counsellor reflect back what I had been trying to communicate held a mirror up through which I gained understanding into my situation at that time. Within that simple interaction where words were exchanged, rambled, filtered, sifted, reflected and understood I felt a great knot of tension unraveling. Leaving that first session I felt lighter, less anxious and deeply inspired.

For this reason, and the subsequent sessions which helped me further, I decided to train as a psychotherapist and offer this service to others. I continue to find the power of putting words and voice to the challenges we face and to have these accurately mirrored back enormously transformative and healing. For many of us we have not been brought up to voice our difficulties let alone have them heard and understood so the dynamic between a talking therapist and client can be unique and create a space in which it is possible to understand ourselves better.