Simple tools for Anxiety #1 – ‘Portrait of the Day’

This simple and quick exercise is great for transforming upset and stress.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or upset, perhaps you feel the world is against you or maybe you just feel down and not sure why. If so get yourself a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left list all the bad things that have happened. On the right lists all the good things that have happened and include the smallest things. For example – I enjoyed my lunch, it was sunny, I had a nice conversation, this or that was interesting – anything! Notice how many things you forgot about because of your unwanted internal feelings and notice how you feel after making the lists. Do you still feel the same?

By doing this exercise it is both possible to transform the upset and to perhaps notice how attached you are to feeling upset. In the case of being attached you may draw up the list, feel a bit better and then go straight back to feeling miserable and decide the exercise doesn’t work. If this is the case it isn’t the exercise but just the mind’s determination. Your mind may tell you – if you stop feeling upset you will be taken advantage of or that you don’t deserve to be happy. None of this is true. Your mind is just innocently making these things up because it believes that’s what you want. You can change your mind and the stories it tells you. However, this can take time and effort when particular states of mind and belief systems have been well practiced over time. Don’t worry, all your upset and stress is actually just information that is in fact pointing you towards what needs to happen for things to change. It just take a willingness to get curious and a desire to face the difficulties you’re experiencing.

So, if what I’ve just described is true for you then add to the bottom of the exercise the following – “Right now I am choosing to be upset and I could choose not to be.” Even if you don’t believe these words write them down and keep practicing. Ideally at the end of each day and continue to notice any resistance. Resistance is just information.

If on the other hand you feel much better – identify the main things on the list that shifted the negativity and highlight them. Again, keep practicing.

Practice is important. The more we practice something the better we get and this is the same for negative and upsetting emotions as it is for confident and positive emotional and mental states. It’s absolutely no different than learning something new or going to the gym. However, if we want to think or behave in new ways we have to work at it and appreciate that this can take time.

Practicing this simple list is an exercise in changing your mind so that you’re free to enjoy your life and by doing this you can paint a very different picture of the day. One that is truer than the one you might be struggling and suffering with. We all have a tendency towards seeking negativity and problems – it’s part of our human survival mechanisms – so don’t worry you’re not alone. We just need to establish reminders about how to use these effectively so that our minds serve us and not the other way around. Reminders could be in the form of post-it notes around the home, timed reminders on our phones, a dedicated note book by the side of our bed or set and alarm to go off the same time each evening.

The main point of this exercise is to train our minds to notice the positive aspects of our selves and our lives more and more and by doing this build confidence and improve self-esteem.

“If we look for the negative we will find it and if we look for the positive we will find it – but only every time. This applies to everything and the choice is ours.”

I say all this from experience and the tools that I share with you are ones that I have tried and tested myself and have greatly benefited from.

Please let me know how you get on.

psychotherapy4london.co.uk

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A Tale for Dark Days: “everything will be alright”

One day, many years ago when I worked as a freelance designer, I found myself in a familiar place of having no work and as a result worrying about the future. That week a number of creative projects had fallen through and there didn’t seem to be much work on the horizon. As the weeks ticked by and money was quickly running out I was getting increasingly anxious. 

Being freelance, I’d been through this situation many times before. So you’d think, by now, I’d be familiar enough with the scene and therefore more relaxed about it, right? Alas not, and despite many years of psychological exploration and meditation practice I would find myself back in this same place of dread and worry. It repeatedly felt as if all the tools, techniques and wisdom I’d learned over the years just flew out the window and were forgotten. Each time I’d turn my life into one huge internal drama with fantasies about never working again, running out of money and losing everything including my mental health. It was an unreal horror story but felt as if I just couldn’t help but torture myself in this way.

However, on this particular day I’m describing, something drove me to sit down and attempt to meditate. All morning I’d been fretting about not being able to cope and as a result the stress upon stress had been rapidly escalating. But even as I sat down and closed my eyes they would fly open again, my mind racing and I’d be on the verge of getting up and ploughing on with frantic emails in a desperate bid to drum up some work. 

After this happening a couple of times I suddenly heard a voice inside myself say, “BE STILL”. It was so powerful and distinct that I immediately complied and a sudden calmness descended through which I was able to quieten my mind for the next hour or so. During that time, as I sat on the floor with eyes calmly closed, I heard the mail being believed but felt no pressing urge to retrieve it.

Eventually I got to my feet, now feeling settled and clear, and collected the post, which included a small brown envelope with my address in a handwritten scrawl. Inside was a plain white postcard with nothing on it. However, on closer inspection I noticed, embossed within the centre of the card, the words “everything will be alright”. There was no other information and no return address. I was astounded and the card, along with the internal instruction, stayed with me for days and facilitated in me a deep steadiness. 
Within a week or two I had more design work and, as per usual, the stress of the previous weeks had vanished. 

It later transpired that a close friend of mine, who was also a freelance designer, had been doing a print making workshop the weekend before my stressful episode and, having made several embossed cards like this, she sent them out to a number of friends.

Irrespective of the reasons, I felt as if the universe had, internally and through the actions of my friend, reached out to me. It was as if it had put its hand on my shoulder to calm me down. Synchronistically it was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. I am, by nature, very curious and open-minded about the mysteries of the world and how we influence our lived experience, consciously or unconsciously. Had I not I may have discarded the experience as mere fluke. 

So is there an explanation for this coincidence? The truth is I don’t know and, for me, it doesn’t really matter. What’s most important is that, firstly, I paid attention and secondly, that it really helped to ease my fears. To say I know and can rationalise what happened removes the magic and awe of the experience 

Since that day I’ve remained self-employed and whilst, in the meantime, I’ve changed career I’ve still found myself in that space between work and projects. Sometimes similar fears and agitations have come up but never as acute. During those moments I’ve kept my eyes and ears open for similar signs, but non have materialised. It’s as if that previous experience, as marked as it was, etched itself into my life. I’m taken back to that memory every time panic and stress threatens to overwhelm me and when life suddenly seems uncertain.

The collection of words that form “everything will be alright” is potentially the most powerfully reassuring sentence we can hear when spoken by someone we trust during times of fear or sadness. So for me, It’s interesting to consider that those same loving and supportive words may also be available to me at all times and in unexpected forms. I don’t need to buy into any defined mysticism or beliefs it’s just a simple case being open to it and then if I choose to pay attention.

As to whether I’m able to believe and fully trust in it – now that’s quite another story.

For other articles, posts and ways in which to support yourself during difficult time check out –psychotherapy4london.co.uk